Ahem! Hello and welcome to Metrodeco’s first blog. There, I’ve said it…20 long weeks after I first hoped to utter those words. You see, 20 weeks is about the length of time since we opened our art deco tea salon and antiques shop so I suppose you could say it’s taken us a while to get round to this online/blogging shenanigans.
But it is an important type of shenanigans. Because unless you are certifiably insane, and by that I mean so mad that you probably woke up this morning and thought you were an onion, you cannot ignore the obvious uses of the internet when you’re selling something (in our case, fine early 20th century furniture and Brighton’s best tea). So it’s both a pleasure and a relief to be welcoming you to Metrodeco’s Brighton Blog.
[Pauses to allow applause to recede]
Of course, we’re not only now present in the blogosphere – we’re also armed with Twitter page and a Facebook page. And because we also want to engage with those who are interested in My Little Pony and Power Rangers, we’re on MySpace, nestled snugly beside a teen death metal band called Satan’s Anal Ring, who are based in the leafy Withdean environs.
Ah, you’ve noticed I keep referring to ‘we’. There are more than one of us, you see. For a start, Metrodeco comprises Helen Wilkinson and Maggie Morgan, the owners. Then there are at least four others who pitch in. And, if we’re really going to give credit where credit is due, there are the fairies who order the cakes, fill out the tax returns and keep on top of the cleaning.
So who’s writing this? The answer is that it is at once all and none of us. Think of Metrodeco’s Brighton Blog as a remote, intangible, abstract voice, which is at once wholly separate and inextricably tied to the shop. And once you’ve pondered over that non-sensical explanation know this: if you or your neighbour’s dog feel affronted or offended at the words we will offer on a weekly basis, please do not march into the shop (which is here, by the way) wielding your unGodly rage at the sweet tradespersons and artisans within.
Neither should you lunge dementedly and with murder in your eyes at one of our 18 jars of bespoke tea (on sale here) nor aim your madly flailing fists into a pile of our menus, nor spit your unlovely rage over our bookings diary (which is taking bookings now for Christmas), nor rant your hurtful and hate-filled rant that our promo video (here) is barely better than a Kate Winslett movie.
For this, you see, is an anonymous blog and your wrath might be embarrassingly misplaced.
So, what is the blog about about? You might think me pointless and irrelevant when I tell you that Peter Andre and Katie Price are among the many subjects it will NOT touch on – but I’m told the mere use of those words will help with our Google ranking.
Nor will we mimic the sort of petty-minded and bigoted polemic to be found on the Argus chat forums (links to high-traffic websites apparently also help please Gary Google).
No, this blog will simply discuss the day to day trials and rewards of running a tea shop in the heart of Kemp Town. And this, we hope, will be of some interest to other small businesses or those who’ve wondered what owning your own shop is like. We hope not only to flaunt Metrodeco’s wares here – but to make connections with friends and business partners we haven’t yet met, while enjoying some good old rufty tufty and debate.
So please don’t be frightened to tell me what arse-filled rubbish I’m talking and please do join in by leaving comments on this page or at firstname.lastname@example.org
Right, I’m off to lie under an oak tree with a large pitcher of Deliciously Decadent (erm, available here at only £2.20 a pot).